Look Who's Walking!

We won't lie, this last month was....challenging. Luke was making absolutely NO PROGRESS in being more independent. In fact, he seemed to be going backwards. He wouldn't sit without one of us to lean on, wouldn't crawl anymore, and would only walk holding our hands. Basically, he had used his mighty will to control our whole household! Mike and I like to think of ourselves as experienced parents. Oh, how the mighty had fallen! We were hog-tied by the worry that:

a. Could he need this proximity to us for an important bonding

step?

b. Could it be that there is a cognitive problem that hasn't

been caught yet? (scariest worry of all!)

So his behavior got worse. If we even looked away from him and he noticed, he would find a way to fling himself backwards with all his might and ultimately crack his head on the floor. Very upsetting for everybody.

The longer we parent, especially now that we have an adoptive child, the more we realize that WE DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING! Time to call in the cavalry. Mike called his friend Amy, a specialist in play therapy, and all around great gal, and she came to visit Luke. She gave us some great techniques for dealing with attachment stuff.

We also made a trip to visit my good friend Patricia up in Bannerelk, NC. Patricia has adopted 3 daughters from China, and is a wealth of information for me. I don't know what I would have done without her knowledge and friendship throughout this whole adoption. I have said it before, and I'll say it again, there is no substitute for the friendship of someone who has "been there, done that" to bounce ideas off of. When you adopt a child who has been traumatized, neglected and severely malnourished, you are sailing right off the parenting map. It takes much more patience, flexibility, and leaps of faith to navigate your way through. Seeing Patricia and her wonderful family really helped us get our orientation back, and she helped us see how much Luke has grown globally this last year with us. This is true for sure, from his poor health, lack of bonding, extreme delays in every part of the developmental spectrum, he has grown exponentially. Thanks, Patricia for the hospitality and support, like we said, it was just what the doctor ordered!

Luke playing with Hugh, Patricia's husband.

Beautiful Willow, their youngest.

A big bundle of cuteness!

The final bit of knowledge and perspective to fall into place happened last week, when the people from Babies Can't Wait (early intervention program Luke is enrolled in) came to do their annual evaluation. They tested everything: cognitive abilities, self help, language, large motor and fine motor. With the exception of large motor (yeah yeah we know), Luke tested either on target for his age or ABOVE! We were so full of joy! I've been carrying that little spark of happiness with me since. You know, you don't really pay attention to what is age appropriate for your biological 2 year old, it just happens and you think it is cute or smart. We did not know whether Luke was acting like an 18 month old, a 1 yr old or maybe the 2 yr old that he is. What a relief! So here comes the moment of clarity... as my dear father in law would have said, "Time to cut the coo!" Luke is now a bright little two year old with some (understandably) wicked control issues. We are the parents and although he doesn't believe it, we actually do know what is best for him.

We started telling him he HAS to sit up and insisting in a gently firm way. After a few major wrestling sessions, with Luke letting us know how this was torturing him, he decided maybe we did know best. He just got up and started trying to walk, and the crawling and sitting independently are worlds better! Little control freak that he is, he is still testing us and looking for loopholes, but we are confident that with consistency and perseverance he will continue to improve!

Whew that was a lot to get off my chest, but I'm determined to record the good, bad and ugly, in the hope that our struggles and trials will help another who is in a similar situation. One thing Mike and I just commented on yesterday is that our love has just deepened even more for our little son, and we know that it will continue to do so!